Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Feeling a tad defeated...

So up untill this point in my pregnancy (now 22weeks), ive only been seen by my midwife. She does all my regular checks etc and she will be the one with me at the birth so i have been planning that with her. A few months ago she had to send off a routine referral for me to see an OB (obstetrician) as ive had 2 previous ceseareans. However she did say it was my choice wether to go or not. I decided that i would go, half heartedly though and id promised myself that there was no way id let myself get pushed around like i have before. Also although ive decided not to labor or give birth in or near a hospital, i wasnt going to tell her that.
So off i trogged to the maternity unit. I saw a nice midwife first who took my blood pressure etc. Then waited a bit and went in to see the OB. I went with an open mind but wasnt going to let her tell me what was going to happen or let her tell me crap that just wasnt true....

Well thats what she did. I was told i would head to hospital in early labor or as soon as my waters broke. I would have a routine lure and be on continuious fetal monitoring. She saw my face scrunch up and asked what i thought. I mentioned that there would be no way i would consent tor allow CFM for the duration of labor. She asked why, i simply replied that there is no evidence that a healthy woman with a healthy baby needs or should have CFM. And certainly i have read statistics and facts on CFM being read wrong, slipping position and not gathering correct information anyways. My first pregnancy i went to the hospital at 6cms dialated. My waters were broken, without consent or being asked or informed, i was then strapped to a bed with the CTG monitor and refused to be allowed off...WHY?! As i told my story to her and the reasons why i wouldnt consent or allow CFM, her head shook at me. What the hell. Here are some facts about CFM...

-The staff are more aware of any small changes and may therefore be more likely to intervene rather then letting labor take its natural course.
-Babies who are electronically monitored are 3 times more likely to be delivered by ceserean section!!
-Electronic fetal monitoring increases the paraphernalia in the room.
-Staff are tempted to concentrate on the machine rather then the woman in labor.
-EFM may restrict movement thus slowing down the labor process and making fetal distress more likely.
-With the internal monitor it is screwed into the babies head, bruising, scarring, hurting the baby.

And thats not alll. Sooo many more risks!

Yes today i primped myself to look somewhat like a barbie, hair extentions blonde and curly. Makeup, high heeled boots, tights and a gorgeously pink top that showed off my pregnancy curves and pre-pregnancy size 8 body. So what...because of that i dont know what im talking about.

I KNOW THE RISKS!! I know the risks of uterine rupture and slight seperation or windows of the uterus...not that theres a difference according to the OB i saw. I also know that the same, albiet not quite as high (if you can call 0.3% high) risks of unscarred vaginal birth. I also know off by heart the risks of ceserean section, planned and emergency! Ive lived through 2 although now that i do know the risks and realise that the complications i suffered from because of them could have killed me and have killed many women and their babies.

So im getting a little carried away but i cant help it. When will people open their eyes and realise that all i want to do is birth my baby like any other woman in the world. When did birth become so medical and banished to the hospital. Since when did it become normal to cut womens bodys open and rip ther babies out unnecessecarily.

I was born with a uterus, with 2 ovarys, a vagina and eggs that are released every month. God gave me the capability to concieve this baby growing inside me. My body is saftley and amazingly working with nature to grow and nuture this baby within my uterus, scarred or not. My body WILL gon into labor naturally when MY BABY IS READY, not when it is convienient for that doctor. I will get the magic pain that is labor, i will do it with my husband and with the faith i place within myself, my body and my baby. How dare anyone, OB or not tell me it is safer for me to have my body pumped full of drugs, cut open and my baby ripped and torn from that hole leaving me and possibly him/her scarred emotionally, mentally and physically.

Seriously it drives me mental. I want to laugh at all the ridiculous crap she tried spinning me and the ways she was judging me. (I wonder if shes ever had a ceserean due to unnessecary interventions, then left without adequate pain relief, in severe debilitating pain, unable to care for her crying newborn, being continiously touched and poked and treated like crap. Leading to severe PND, loving her child but unable to see a point to living....).   And then im left wanting to cry because of the ways she tried to tear me down and 'break me'. I am trying not to let others opinions get to me, we all think and feel differently. I believe i am getting better with this but it still hurts and is hard to deal with. In a way i feel defeated....

1 comment:

  1. I am sitting here, shaking my head in agreement with everything you just said. From the UN-desire-able visit to the OB to how idiotic she tried to make you feel with her "I went to medical school, I know best" crap.... You know, it sure is a shame that we have surgeons who have NO IDEA what natural birth or labor is like delivering all these babies. We are turning into a world that believes in machines rather than our body. It is quite disturbing to me and quite eye-opening that we have so many complications and deaths related to hospital deliveries and yet home birth is such a taboo. ... When did people forget that babies have been brought into this world naturally and by their mother's and only their mother's for thousands of years....???!!!!